THE MONSTER IN THE MIST

The Monster in the Mist

Beware if you drift near him

He’s very hard to spot

But if you listen close, you’ll hear him

If he sneaks up to catch you

Your end is in the offing

But you just might get away if

You hear his fits of coughing

He’s got arms full of muscles

And head full of sharp teeth

And he blends in seamlessly with

The mist draped on the heath

He’ll snatch your cats and puppies

Slurped down gullet from tongue

But first he’ll pause to take a breath

And then hack up a lung

THOG BLOG

Greeting, fellow Thog-Heads! Welcome to another missive of the Thog Blog, the blog devoted to all things Thog. You don’t know who Thog is? What are you doing here!? Also, Thog is the Gentle Blue Giant from The Muppet Show. Check him out below:

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See? You’re already a fan. The Muppets are full of great, loveable characters we all know like Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, et al. And we superfans have our own favorites that are lesser known like Marvin Suggs, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Annie Sue Pig, and Uncle Deadly. And of course Thog. Beautiful, loveable Thog.

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What I love about Thog is just how sweet and huggable he is. Look at him, you just want to snuggle up with him, like a Totoro. Thog was originally performed by Muppeteer Jerry Nelson (RIP) in a growly, droopy voice. Despite being 9 feet tall and a monster, no one is afraid of Thog, because he just exudes pleasantness.

Oh, man, I could go on and on about Thog, but I’ll just end with the Thog Anthem:

Oh, Thog!

You’re not Kermit the Frog

You’re not Rowlf the Dog

But you’re our favorite, Thog!

Yes, Thog!

The show may be a slog

But it’s all just prologue

To the introduction of Thog!

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FOUR MORE MONSTER LIMERICKS

If you find yourself wandering Tibeti

You just might run into the Yeti.

He seems pain in the neckish

But he’s just real puckish

So buy him a plate of spaghetti!

If you dare to enter Haunted Home,

You better not forget your comb.

For the sights you’ll see there

Will petrify your hair

As it strains to escape from your dome.

There once was a young witch named Ginjer,

With magic at the tip of her finjer,

But more evil than spells

Were the insults she’d tell

She was really wicked with a zinjer.

Oh, a smart aleck might call them “sheeple”

But don’t underrate the Pod People

They might seem awfully square

But that’s how they ensnare

And across this great land they’ll all creeple.

 

THE GLOW IN THE DARK VAMPIRE

A vampire that glows in the dark’ll

Do little more at you than sparkle.

His eyes, oh how they will smolder

But he’s got a literal cold shoulder.

Like all vampires he’s undead, oh alas,

No reflection means it hurts to looking glass.

To his charms you may be inblufferable,

So just know that in truth he’s insufferable.

FRANKENSTEINATRA

Ol’ Blue eyes are vacant,

His singing just grunts

But Frankensteinatra

Still gets what he wants.

His audience captive

In the truest of senses

But all grudges fall off

When his singing commences

Although his mind wanders

And the lyrics he warps

No one can deny

He’s a charismatic corpse.

ZOMBIOSAURUS

I’m a Zombiosaurus

Dinosaur of the Dead

From contaminated fossil

I have been rebred

Across this new land

I shamble and shuffle

But I’m not here

To feather’s ruffle

Most zombies crave brains

And the guts and the gore

But in my last life

I was an herbivore

Yes you may scream

And cause a great ruckus

But never you fear

I’m a zombie Diplodocus

My use for your brains

Is zero to scant

What I desperately crave

Are all of your plants

So put away your guns

Don’t start a war

Just let me assault

That poor salad bar.

ABIE THE FISHMAN

Abie the Fishman

Glides ‘round the sea.

Warding off sharks ‘til

It’s time for his tea.

Abie’s part man

The other half fish

And when on your carpet

His feet go, “squish, squish!”

He can breathe underwater

Through gills on his neck

But he’s still very willing

To take a rain check.

Disadvantages: he has to

Avoid fishing nets

And his sandwiches always

End up soaking wet.

And yet he can gab with

Bass, tuna and whale.

Except for the orcas

Which cause him to quail.

You can read his book

Of tales underwater

Once he receives

His Mom’s imprimatur.