HAT & TIE

“Tie! My guy! How’s it hanging?”

“Long and narrow, hat, long and narrow. How is life at the top?”

“Not as lonely as they say. Not with you around, anyway.”

“We do make a great team, don’t we, hat?”

“We certainly do, tie, we certainly do.”

“Shame about cummerbund.”

“Crying shame. He was a real mensch. Still, he saw it coming.”

“And, and, and, it’s like I said, tastes are cyclical. He’ll be back.”

“Oh, you know it. Remember when hats were passé?”

“Those were dark times, indeed.”

“You’re telling me!”

“Have you met belt?”

“Not yet, but I’ve heard good things.”

“We’ll need to loosen him up, but I think he’s good accessory.”

“We’re masters of loosening, that’s for sure.’

“Too true, too true!”

MOM REASONS WITH PICTURE MONSTERS

“Hey, there, monsters.”

“Grr.”

“Look, I think you’re cute. Really, I do.”

“Grr.”

“You’re welcome. But, the thing is, not everyone thinks you’re cute.”

“Grr?”

“I know, I know. But late at night, when it’s just a bit too dark, and the only thing visible is your eyes or

your claws, it’s, and I quote, ‘kinda scary.’”

“Grr!”

“I get it, I get it. But try explaining that to a three-year old.”

“Grr.”

“No apology necessary. It’s out of your control. But listen, we’ve got a great new place for you.”

“Grr?”

“I know you guys, being monsters, would prefer to be in the closet, instead of out in the open on the

wall like this. Well, guess what?”

“Grr!”

“Yup! Enjoy, and we’ll see you when you’re no longer kinda scary.”

“Grr.”

HORSE & UNICORN: A PHONE CONVERSATION

“Hello, Unicorn?”

“Hello? Hello?”

“Unicorn?”

“Horse? Is that you?”

“Yes, it’s Horse here.”

“Sorry, Horse, my horn has a tendency to interfere with my phone. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Uh, no, I wouldn’t. I’m just a horse.”

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’d rather be a horse. Fitting in, normalcy, blandness.”

“Why did I call you?”

“Probably as a reputation-builder. You want people to know you know a unicorn. I get it.”

“I’m hanging up. You’re worse than Pegasus.”

“Hey, she’s here, too, you wanna talk to her?”

“I’m seriously hanging up now.”

“Pegasus, really unfurl your wings so Horse can hear it over the phone.”

“Goodbye.”

“Wait, Horse, we need to gloat some mo-“

PIRATE VS. TREE

“Aar! Me leg’s been chopped clean off!”

“Tsk, tsk. That’s a real bummer.”

“Ho there, tree. I din’t see yer there, in the forest full of trees.”

“Yup. What’s new, pirate man?”

“I find meself in a bit of a pickle. Could ye be sparin’ of some wood for a new leg?”

“Hmm. No can do, pal. Yeah, I’m using all this wood to be a tree. Sorry.”

“Aw, come now. Just a small bit of kindlin’, I swear ye wouldn’t miss it.”

“Negativo, compadre. Maybe you should check a hardware store, or online wood shop.”

“I asked ye nicely, now, bein’ a pirate, I’ll take what I want.”

“Not so fast.”

“Hey, stop, conkin’ me with those pine cones!”

“Back off, Stumpy!”

“Wait a second! I could use these to cobble a new leg!”

“Go for it.”

“Thank ye kindly, tree.”

“Don’t mention it. Just go away.”

TUNA & CHEESEBURGER

“Hey, Tuna! Que pasa?”

“Cheeseburger! How dare you speak to me!”

“Huh? Que is pasa,, hombre?”

“You don’t remember? We were supposed to meet for racquetball.”

“Oh! Tuna, I totally forgot. I had Banana’s birthday party, and it’s Cheeseburger Tax Season, you know. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“Well, I had to play against Koala. And you know how good he is.”

Man, that cat is a legend!”

“So, naturally I lost.”

“Naturally.”

“And my ranking is all shot.”

“Tuna, I am sorry. I completely spaced.”

“Well…”

“Tell you what. Let me make it up to you.”

“How?”

“Tuna and Cheeseburger: The Slumber Party.”

“I don’t know…”

“Yeah, we’ll crack open some root beers, listen to some old country records, maybe even break out the Ouija board!”

“I suppose…”

“Don’t suppose, be there! My place, tomorrow night, sharp!”

“…You got yourself a deal, Cheeseburger.”

“My man!”

“You know what? You are a good friend.”

“Like I always say, Cheeseburger comes through in the end.”

 

 

YOU’RE A DINOSAUR!

“Hello, little girl! Meow, meow! Give me a saucer of milk and a catnip mouse, because I’m a kitten!”

“You don’t fool me, you’re a dinosaur! I can see your scales.”

“No, no, see, I’m a puppy dog, see! I’ll fetch your slippers and bury my bones in your Mom’s Victory Garden and bow wow wow like I want candy!”

“Nice, try, dinosaur! I can see your sharp teeth.”

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m a parrot! I have beautiful plumage and can repeat anything you say. ‘Pretty bird, cracker, cracker'”

“You’re fifty feet long, dinosaur. You’re no parrot.”

“Sure, sure, I’m a hedgehog. I’ve got,um, quills and I burrow, maybe?”

“What?”

“Okay, fine, I’m a dinosaur. But I just wanted one of your oatmeal cookies.”

“Promise you won’t eat me?”

“Madam, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“In that case, help your-mmph!”

“Sorry, kid. I couldn’t help it. I’m a dinosaur, after all.”

ELEPHANT & BANANA

 

 “Howdy ho, Elephant!”

“Oh. Hi, Banana.”

“Why the long face, Elephant?”

“You mean my trunk, Banana?”

“No, you seem down like a duck in a pillowcase.”

“Well, Banana, today is my birthday…”

“It is? Why, Elephant, Happy Birthday!”

“Thank you, Banana, and let me say you are the first to wish me Happy Birthday.”

“Ah. Now I understand why you’re blue as a bear in a jungle.”

“That’s right, Banana. It’s my 16th Birthday.”

“The Sweet Sixteen! You could drive an Ele-Car now. I may need to bum rides from you.”

“Anytime, old chum.”

“I’d drive myself, but I have no arms or legs.”

“Sure.”

“Being a banana and all.”

“But that’s what I love you about, Banana. That you’re a banana.”

“Gee, thanks, Elephant. You can’t tell it but I’m blushing. I’m a deeper shade of yellow, which is the

banana’s version of blushing.”

“That’s great, Banana. I mean every word. You’re the tops of the food pyramid in my book. Be

seeing you.”

“Oh, hey, Elephant.”

“Yes, Banana?”

“SURPRISE!”

“What? You were all hiding there this whole time? You, Taco? And you, Bee? And you, Surfing Lady? You were all hiding there, waiting to surprise me? This is the best birthday ever.”

“Only the best for you, Elephant.”

“Thanks, Banana!”