THE SANTA OF HIGH FIVES

I’m the Santa of High Fives

I’ll slap them low or high

But only if you’re good

And you do as you should

If not, my answer’s no

Or at least, too slow, Joe

SANTA’S BELLY

Santa’s belly

Shakes when he chuckles

Like a bowl full of jelly

Or a bag full of knuckles

Or a sack full of kittens

Or a drawer full of fishes

Or electrified mittens

Or precarious dishes

I say this because

If you couldn’t telly

Is that Santa Claus

Has one crazy belly

SANTA’S BEARD

It’s snowy white

That Santa’s beard

Unlike the night

That he appeared

Beside the fireplace

Leaving treats

And in a blink’s space

He beat feets

But his beard lingered

In my mind

As my stocking fingered

The treats I’d find

SANTA’S HAT

Santa’s hat

Is rather fat

To fit his heavy head

But you never did

Peep Santa’s lid

Because you were in bed

Cuz Santa’s cap

Knows when you nap

And when you are awake

And with that

Don’t cross his hat

Or your toys he’ll take!

A PLEA FROM BATMAN AT CHRISTMASTIME

Greetings, Crime Stoppers! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all, from your favorite Dark Knight, The Batman. As I look out upon the snow-speckled roofs of Gotham City, my Bat-Eyes scanning for criminal activity, I feel the need to clear up a few misconceptions surrounding me. These rumors seem to crop up especially at this time of year, so I felt this was the perfect time to address them.

I do not smell. My Bat-Suit is awash in a Bat-Musk which smells of sandalwood, vanilla and a hint of bat.

Robin has not, nor will he ever lay an egg. As a human male, he is incapable of doing so. And if, say, The Penguin built an Egg Lay Ray and blasted Robin with it, I have a Bat-De-Egg-Layer shot to counteract it.

The last time a Batmobile lost a wheel, we installed a Bat Homing Device to ensure we’d never lose a wheel ever again. Ever. Again.

The Joker, sadly, has gotten away. Several times. But this is no time for celebration. When The Joker gets away, Robin and I do not shout, “Hey,” in a festive Bat Unison. We shout, “Hey,” in despair and Bat Alarm. As should all citizens who hate crime.

Anyhow, I hope this clarifies a silly schoolyard song. Batman out!

 

THE ELFISH ON THE SHELLFISH

 

The elfish on the shellfish is filled with elation

As he helps himself to more and more crustacean.

While the others are working, this playful imp

Is eating Santa’s secret stash of jumbo shrimp.

He knows he’ll be punished if one comes across

This elf with his shrimp and his cocktail sauce.

But he doesn’t mind, he’s filled with glee

As he stuffs his face with this snack of the sea.

The toys the kids get might smell a bit fishy

But they’ll never tell because children aren’t dishy.

The elf need not worry as he eats his shellfish

He’s naughty, not sharing and being so selfish.