1. Never whistle, unless your whistle sounds like a Theremin.

2. Never hum, unless your hum sounds like a laser warming up

3. Never play the trombone, unless sadly

4. Never play the harmonica, unless you play harmonic dirges

5. Never play bongos.

6. Play my patented invention, the Discordian, poorly, to create global discord

7. If you’re incapable of playing the Discordian poorly, go to the Crossroads and make a deal with

the devil for extra evil points!

8. Play the singing saw, as often as you can.

9. Play the screaming saw, even more often.

10. Lastly, your singing voice should be high-pitched to torture dogs.