Bwah-ha-ha! I’m ba-ha-ack! Thought you’d finally rid yourselves of me, hadn’t you? Well, that question segues perfectly into my perilous post. Read my FAQ below and be enlightened. IF YOU DARE!

1.     THOUGHT YOU’D FINALLY RID YOURSELVES OF ME, HADN’T YOU? Yes, you had. Once the Coast Guard inadvertently discovered my invisible subatomic submarine and torpedoed it, everyone thought I’d bought the farm. But I didn’t! Didn’t even lease it! I escaped via an underwater parachute (patent pending.) And I’m now living in an undisclosed fold-out couch. It may even be yours!

2.     WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAIR? It’s as black as night and as my soul. Also, it’s got streaks of white from aging and from the blast of my submarine exploding.

3.     HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WEARING A HAT? I don’t know, have you? I like my hair, if you’ve got a problem with it, maybe you’re projecting. Have you thought about wearing a hat should be one of your own FAQs. That’s one to grow on.

4.     WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG? Uh, it’s still there. I’ve been hiding in this fold-out couch with no access to the internet. Did you read it?

5.     NO, DID YOU? No. Nobody did. But hey, it’s still there.

6.     ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS? Spiritually, the Devil Himself, and Evil, Pure Evil. But otherwise, no. My family abandoned me at an early age, so I had no parents or siblings or aunts or uncles or grandmothers or grandfathers or nieces or nephews or cousins or second cousins or third cousins. They’ve all been removed.

7.     SLAP BRACELETS, YEA OR NAY? Yea, especially pink.

8.     WHAT’S YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER? 61152-Wait a second!

9.     ALMOST HAD YOU, DIDN’T I? Yes, you evil so-and-so! You’re almost as evil as I.

10.  BUT HOW CAN THAT BE? It could only mean one thing…

11.  ARE YOU ME? We are we! The one and the same! I am typing the questions and the answers and the questions, in a cursed conversation with myself.

12.  ANY LAST WORDS? Begone!