**AUTHOR’S NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED IN THAT FAILED SPIN-OFF NEFARIOUS DR. WILHELM SKREEM BLOG, AS WERE THE PREVIOUS POSTS I HAVE PREVIOUSLY POSTED. SINCE MORE PEOPLE READ THIS BLOG, I AM RE-POSTING THESE HERE, BECAUSE THEY ARE FUN AND SHOULD BE READ. ALSO, CAPS LOCK.
Bwah-ha-ha! It is I, the Nefarious Dr. Wilhelm Skreem! Have you forgotten me already? Good! That just illustrates the power of being under the radar. When you are an evil genius like I am, you must maintain an air of secrecy, like oxygen unbeknownst to even the most sucky of breathtakers. Now that is some super secret air!
When I began this blog, my intent was to take over the internet by force. If I was to rule the world, the internet was the best place to start, you see. No other series of tubes and theorems holds more power than the world wide web, and once my slithery grasp squeezes the last juices from this web and leaves it drained of electrolytes and cowering in the corner of its once mighty kingdom whilst I brandish the mighty throne of the internet like a sword in the stone of the universe, cackling gleefully at the sick, sad puppy the internet has become, peddling the streets for loose change and a hot cup of pizza, I will then finally be able to comprehend this sentence. But these things take time. And time takes patience. And patience is time times things divided by patience. Plus I’m a bit loopy on homemade cough medicine. So if I appear to not be making sense when I’m talking or typing it’s because my lips have lost their feeling and I am attempting to type with them. How was your summer?
Wait, I was talking about staying under the radar. Here the three or maybe more tips I have for conquering the internet by not making a big splash:
1- Don’t tell anyone about your blog. I have publicized this baby as little as possible. It worked!
2- Repost old blog entries. Over half of this blog is reposts. Are you starting to get the picture? Are you?
3- Write about things no one cares about. Everyone doesn’t care for me, and I want it that way, to quote Jim Morrison. Are you experienced? Don’t tell the internet about it!
4- Don’t become a meme, whatever that is. Don’t be a cat or talk to empty chairs. All celebrities can be classified as either cats or empty chairs. I just made that up! Someone run with it.
5- Do you have a robot? I do. He makes a terrible dinner companion. Did you know my robot can play bass? Not long a bass, short a. I mean not the guitar, the fish. I’m pretty sure this is my robot. It might have been a dream I had.
6- Where was I?
7- Oh yes.
8- Don’t wear Hawaiian shirts. You want to stay under the radar, no Hawaiian shirts! Also, just don’t wear them.
9- Don’t. Just don’t. That’s all.
Um, begone. (I end all my posts with begone.)