Dear Santa,

Please send me sixteen shrunken heads

And forty-four nails for my bed

An atom bomb, some toxic waste

Gorilla brains with salt to taste

A hunchback who will do my bidding

Needle and thread (but not for knitting

They’re to keep my head attached

So I won’t wake to find it snatched!)

A werewolf to howl at the moon

A haunted flute or cursed bassoon

An iron maiden, extra ferrous

A silly hat to kid-embarrass

And for my bridge an ugly troll

Or else you could just give me coal!

I wouldn’t care, I’m not that haughty

I promise I’ve been extra naughty

Goodness and I never commingle

I swear to it, Mr. Kringle.

My list has reached its denouement, sir.


I remain,


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