(MAGICAL?) SCHOOL BUS

Todd said his brother said he said he saw it. And it was like, it was like… nothing, I mean it was a thing but like it was no warning, and no… right, no poof or whatever, whatever the poof- you know like, magic tricks. Poof and a lady is two ladies. But this was like one minute it was just a bus and then, yeah. Like no hand slide or whatever it’s called. That hand slide, hand… slidy hand! That thing magicians do to hide the coins and birds and then poof! A bird. But this was like, poofless.

But then! I heard Amanda saw it, like her mom was driving her to school and she saw it happen, and it looked like everybody on the bus was just suddenly singing. Like, you know, the cool kids were laughing at each other and the other kids were just staring at the stoplights and stuff, out the windows, you know? But then they all just looked at each other and started singing! Like, they all went, “Oh!” But longer, like, “Ooooooh!” Like they were about to start a song, and then it was just, you know… horse.

All the parents are p.o.ed, I heard. Well, yeah, they’re sad, but like, Jimmy T.’s parents just bought him a dog. And he was supposed to walk it, and feed it, and like, pick up after it’s… droppings, and now, he was on there. Cindy was, too. Cindy! Yes, she was on the bus. But now, who knows? And she had my mittens. My mittens. I know, but they’re mine. I can’t- yeah, but my Mom will kill me. She will! Moms kill over mittens, all the time. But now what? Now… they’re all a horse now.

Like, a whinny, whinny horse. Which, what? Who does that, just like that? I mean, what kind of school do we go to where buses just become horses, for no good reason? Like, the school buses smell bad enough already. Hey, I don’t know why you’re all taking this so serious, though. At least I can talk about it like it’s a joke. Like those guys on TV who wear ties and talk to cameras. Yeah, but- Yeah, but- I mean, sure, it’s like unreal! I heard the papers don’t want to talk about it. Newspapers, I mean. But it’ll be all over the internet. If I have anything to do about it.

Geez, I get it! But, I’m like, pragmastatic or whatever. What Mr. Benson calls me? I don’t care if it’s mean, though. That’s the thing. Because seriously? My mom is gonna kill me over those mittens. And really, the whole thing just, I don’t know, I’m mad. Because! Because that isn’t supposed to do that! Like, a bus gets kids and takes them to school, and it smells a bit like toilet and it has these gross colored springy, echoey trampoline seats and is yellow and then it gets parked or something. A bus doesn’t just turn into a horse like that! I’m like, it just makes me mad. It feels like, I don’t know, cheating. But it’s cheating you can’t do anything about. Who do you punish? The kids are pretty much I guess being punished. Like they’re all horse parts. Like a horse stomach and elbow.

But here’s the weirdest part for me, and I don’t know why, but it is. We go to my aunt and uncle’s farm every summer, for vacation, and they don’t have horses, but my cousins do, and so we get to ride them and stuff. And I always thought of horses as being so big, you know, like really big animals. But I guess I never thought of them in comparison to a bus, like a school bus? And it’s like, no contest. The bus is bigger, and I never thought of that. So now I can’t help but think of horses as small, because I’ll just be comparing them to school buses.

Isn’t it weird, though? I mean besides, hello, school bus into horse, and all. Like I never really realized how gross a school bus is, that ugly yellow which is really orange more than yellow, almost spray tan on a peach or something, and the snoring robot sound the bus makes when it stops and the black farty cloud that follows it, and then it’s like a boxy tube. Like it’s gotta be round and square at the same time. And then the horse is, I don’t know, so pretty. It just… moves different, the angles are… I know it’s weird, but yeah, the angles are all just… correct. Maybe… it was a… good… thing?

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