Hello, Cotton Candy Beardos! I hope you’ve enjoyed the Fishy Flummoxing Snooper Spies as much as I have. And if you missed the surprise Nefarious Dr. Wilhelm Skreem post last evening, go back and give it look. I’ll wait.

Fun, huh? But do you ever find yourself asking yourself, “Me, what would these delightfully well-written Nefarious Dr. Wilhelm Skreem stories sound like read aloud? More specifically, what would they sound like read aloud in a hotel restaurant in downtown Des Moines?” What a coincidence! You can actually hear them read by myself and others tomorrow evening at the Des Moines Social Club, whose temporary residence is the Kirkwood Lounge on 4th and Walnut in Des Moines, IA. I know that a lot of you live in other cities, states, continents, galaxies, or altenate versions of reality, but if you do live in the Des Moines area and are a grown-up, you may want to check it out.

The event is called Open Circus: Mark J. Hansen & His Heartbreaking Works of Staggering Adequacy. It takes place during Open Circus, the weekly open mic night and will feature readings of many pieces you have read and/or enjoyed on this blog. Full Disclosure: there will also be material, by myself and others that is not suitable for children. Parental Guidance is suggested. Hope to see you there!

In other news, I have an exciting and potentially disastrous idea for next month on Cotton Candy Beard. Much like last year around this time, I will be presenting a serialized story that will be posted throughout June. The difference is that this year I have no idea what this story will be! I will be making it up as I go along (though I do have the vaguest inkling of what the bare bones of the germ of the idea will be) and posting the freshest, firstest draft I can produce. What will it be? Will it be a surprisingly successful experiment? Or a hideous mess? Either way, I’m sure it will be lots of fun. Guaranteed!* See you next month!

*Not guaranteed.


  1. I say, alas I will not be in the Des Moines area to keenly ogle your shenanigans. I will, however, be in the Chicago and Iowa City areas sometime early next month, and maybe that will provide you with adequate impetus and opportunity to shenaniganate along with me and the lovely and evil supervillainess who married me under super sneaky circumstances too mysterious to mention.

      • Mentally, I iMagine we will develop our way into Chicago the Morning of the fourth, and into Iowa City the Morning of the sixth. I iMagine this with My Mental Mind, which is connected to My eyes, which have seen My tickets. I will let you know what else Mentally develops, but I doubt Much will, because I aM in the bad habit of taking tickets at their word, and have taken their existence as an excuse to forgo further cogitation.

        One of the keys on this coMputer is broken. Can you guess which letter I had to cut and paste?

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