Way out past the sun, and the moon and the Earth,
Several blocks down from the Milky Way
Was a planet with very unique occupants
Who decided to visit one day.
Now these weren’t your little green men from Mars,
Or twelve-tentacled Saturn dwellers.
They had a much more familiar physique
Especially to frankfurter sellers.
Yes these beings were shaped like hot dogs
Long tubes of meat surrounded in buns.
But they had one beady eye and a mouth filled with teeth
And four arms armed with ray guns.
They traveled to Earth to dumb down the planet
Their rays caused our brains some regressin’
But nobody noticed or batted an eye
When they invaded Saul’s Delicatessen.
“Put up your hands, Earthling, or taste of my wrath,”
Said the leader to one deli patron.
“I ordered you with mustard relish and onion,”
Said Charlie, thus sealing his fatron.
The flash of the laser was tiny and subtle,
But it pierced right through Charlie’s brain.
And it dropped his IQ to sub-mental levels
Which for Charlie was about the same.
“Citizens of Earth!” the lead hot dog announced,
“We’re here to take over your world!”
And he ordered his men to raise up their flag
Which two space wieners then unfurled.
Their flag was a picture of the planet Earth
With a humanoid hot dog atop it.
It certainly seemed these frank’s plan was fool-proof.
There was only one man who could stop it.
They called him Fat Hank, due to excessive girth,
Not your average villain defeater.
But for this task Fat Hank was especially right,
As he was a World Champion Eater.
Yes, he’d devoured pizzas in mere milliseconds,
Scarfed down pulled pork pulled straight from the hog.
But his real claim to fame and his legendary skill
Was his rapid consumption of hot dogs.
“You messed with the wrong guy,” Fat Hank growled
As he hoist himself up from the back stool.
“I’ve fried bigger fish than the likes of you folk.
You ain’t gonna win this duel.”
“You dare challenge your new leader, earthling of mass,”
The lead hot dog said, aiming his gun for.
“One more word from your overly active maw,
And believe me, sir, you will be done for.”
Fat Hank snorted, which the lead hot dog took as a threat
Approaching him as the others followed.
“You dare question my pow-wha?!” he started
His threat undercut by the fact he was swallowed.
The others, alarmed that their fearless leader
Had been so easily beaten
Were no match for Fat Hank and try as they might
Within seconds all of them were eaten.
The enemy thwarted, the delicatessen erupted
As everyone cheered.
Which Fat Hank waved off. “I don’t need your praise,
But I could go for a cold root beer.”