Cotton Candy Beard

The trunk is not a natural one; in fact the trunk is bunk.

This is not an elephant, though elephant in shape.

If you regard it closer, you’ll see zippers, seams and tape.

This is not an elephant, this form is pure deception.

This creature simply plays upon pachyderm preconceptions.

This is not an elephant, but the logic is complex.

That the elephant in the room is not an elephant must vex!

This is not an elephant; do not believe your peepers!

The truth behind this fallacy lies just a little deeper.

For this is not an elephant, it appears so but it lies.

Thiswolf, thatwolf.

Herewolf, therewolf,

Hipwolf, squarewolf.

Whenwolf, whywolf,

Quitwolf, trywolf.

Thenwolf, nowwolf,

And a hooooooowolf!

Whichwolf, switchwolf,

Stitchwolf, kitschwolf.

Nickelwolf, dimewolf,

Reasonwolf, rhymewolf.

Parawolf, telewolf,

Rhinowolf, elewolf.

Straightwolf, bendwolf,

Watch mustache, chair elbows, coffee pot faces.

Squirrel hammers, fox ratchets, baby deer pliers.

Wig squinters, badge winkers, v-neck sweater criers.

Trout banjos, aardvark flutes, coyote maracas.

Apple bongos, carrot Theremin, orange waka-jawaka.

Gryphon novel, yeti poem, unicorn screenplay.

Mountain ditty, fir tree jingle, canyon roundelay.

Bear promotion, mouse retirement, birth of a pig’s son.

Let your eyes close and your dreams flow free.

Tomorrow, you’ll play and we’ll laugh and we’ll go.

But tonight you can drift away real, real slow.

Yes, you moons made of cheese like gruyere and cheddar

Can depend upon me, Princess Henrietta.

I will watch over you with my long neck and spots,

As your dreams unspool their unfettered dream thoughts.

So think of me as you float off into dreams,

And I will come up with a rhyme for the word dreams.

Yes, I will come up with a rhyme for the word dreams.

A grinning, giggling gosling, just a goofy little goober.

Like a cuddly constellation, no need to connect the dots.

A fuzzy, cosmic Milky Way of clomping cocoanauts.

Your sleepy sunshine eyelids beam blush rays of warming weary.

And tuckered tucked-in shoulder head is snug like teddy beary.

Your raucous rumpus roils my blood to rock and roll akimbo.

As we babble blabble blathering and shimmy shake our limbos.

You flabbergast, your every action leaves me addle-pated.

Beat the beets & thump the roast.

Break the broccoli and squash the squash,

On the kielbasa put the old kibosh.

86 the edamame and bend the baloney.

Spindle the spaghetti, mutilate the macaroni.

Crush the cole slaw, cream the cheese,

Bring the Brussels sprouts down to their knees!

Arm-wrestle asparagus, snake-bite the salami,

Prickle the pickles and punch out the pastrami!

Mash the potatoes, fire at the egg’s whites,

Although he isn’t like your standard issue boy of cow.

While most cowpokes go giddy-up while perched upon a hor-us,

Cowboy Sammy bucks the trend on his faithful brontosaurus.

This dinosaur’s a true blue pal, whose name is Herschel Preeze,

He loves scratches under the chin and eats only Muenster cheese.

Most cowboys herd cows, which is how the term entered our lingo,

But Cowboy Sammy herds and breeds pink plastic lawn flamingo!

It may sound easy but flamingos can prove hard to tame,

You have to muss their feathers and beat them at card games.

Real cowboys carry six guns to draw quickly at high noon,

But Cowboy Sammy makes do with a harmless wooden spoon.

Said spoon stirs soups and chilies made with sweets like beans of jelly,

Which dance before your eyes and nestle snugly in your belly.

While other cowboys meet ‘round fires to sing and play mouth harp,

Sammy beats the bongos with sea life like bass and carp.

The mollusks shake maracas while the whale song’s amplified

And squid and sawfish pluck and bow the eight-string octopi!

No, Sammy doesn’t meet your standard cowboy definition,

But all are charmed by his unique Old West juxtapositions.

And even though some feel he’s as bona fide as canned spammy,

“Let’s ask Lollipop Owl, maybe he can tell.”

Lollipop Owl, Lollipop Owl, what is that smell?

“I smell nothing, maybe Ice Cream Sandwich Trout can tell.”

Ice Cream Sandwich Trout, Ice Cream Sandwich Trout, what is that smell?

“Phew! Good question, perhaps Broccoli Cat can tell.”

Broccoli Cat, Broccoli Cat, what is that smell?

“All I smell is sweet, sweet, broccoli. Maybe Spaghetti Cow can tell.”

Spaghetti Cow, Spaghetti Cow, what is that smell?

“Let’s ask Tossed-Salad Rhinoceros, maybe he can tell.”

Tossed-Salad Rhinoceros, Tossed-Salad Rhinoceros, what is that smell?

“Zoinks! That is nasty! Maybe Limburger Cheese Ocelot can tell.”

Limburger Cheese Ocelot, Limburger Cheese Ocelot, what is that smell?

Because her last name fell victim to mispronuncipation.

Penelope was, without use of rhetoristic troper

One hundred fliftyleven percent pure bred anteloper.

Since she was first monikored so ununinapproposly,

It caused this entire mess o’ surnamical kerfloppolie.

But once you can coaxulate her from her shy old shellope,

You will be hypnotrancifeasted by this swell antelope.

She can crochet yarns of evil beasts and heroes all costumous,

Of swooning loons, swashbuckling bucks and undead hippoposthumous.

She’ll bake a pie, she’ll bend an ear and even solve discordre.

And she really knows her way around a cribbage boardre.

So if you chance upon her, be it by sight, sound or smellope,

Fuzzy spuzzy spinster spackle.

Fingernail moon, fingernail moon,

Zerolet, doubro, tripliploon.

Papier mache, papier mache,

Splitchem splutchem quim quache.

Elephant footprint, elephant footprint,

Elephant footprint elephant footprint.

Pizza toppings, pizza toppings,

Snausage glossage shmeetza froppings.

Sack of potatoes, sack of potatoes,

Waxol flaxol ridiculatoes.

Rhyming couplet, rhyming couplet,