BURT

Burt, Burt

Button your shirt

And, oh, what’s up with the grass skirt?

Just who do you think you’re trying to fool?

You’ve never even seen a pool!

You’re a complete stranger to the tropics

Your view of the beach is frankly myopic

I know this, Burt, I’m not that dim

I’m not sure you can even swim

I must admit, I am befuddled

But if you want to play with puddles

Be my guest, go splash around

(Don’t worry, folks! Burt will not drown.

The lesson here is take a chance

Though I still think Burt should wear pants.)

EDGAR ALLAN POCONO

Edgar Allan Pocono

In a beard so rococo

Jokes so ribald and burlesque

Exclaims, “That’s so writing desk!”

Clicks his heels and spills his milk

You know, he comes from zany ilk!

Don’t shake his hand, he’ll steal your toes

The outside of his snow globe snows

But don’t think for another second

No, don’t think for another second

Wait, just wait another second

Keep on ticking off the seconds

Until coherent thought beckons

And then at that very second

Yes sir at that very second

Don’t you wait another second

RUN!

NOSTRIL SHARK

Nostril Shark, how do you swim

Amongst the contents of my nose?

And will my nostril be too crowded

Once my finger’s interposed?

I implore you, Nostril Shark

To find another Nasal Reef

If you need help in transportation

I’ll lend you my handkerchief

Just take a nibble of my index

Finger shaped like a hookus

And leave me and my nose alone

I’ll deal with my own mucus

TORNADO DRUM SOLO!

BuddadabuddadabuddadabuddadabuddadaBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!

Tornado on the drum solo

Bound to cause a schism

It’ll totally rock your socks off

But he cannot keep the rhythm

I would say just go with it

That’s my rocker credo

And marvel in the fact that it’s

A drum solo by a tornado!

BuddadabuddadabuddadabuddadabuddadaBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!

ROCKSTAR FISH

Looking awesome

Guitar jammin’

With the octopi

And salmon

ROCKSTARFISH! WHOOO!

Throwing out limbs

To the fans in back

Never fear

They’ll just grow back

ROCKSTARFISH! YEAH!

Guitar solo

Guitar solo

Hurricane caused by

Guitar solo

ROCKSTARFISH! WE LOVE YOU!

From Albuquerque

To Albacore

They clap and stomp

And shout “Encore!”

ROCKSTARFISH HAS LEFT THE SEA!

CAVEMAN CARS

Caveman cars

Had no bottom

So they crunched

Way more in autumn

Caveman cars

Once raced these parts

But they’re more docile

Now that they’re fossils

They had no brakes

So few endured

And none of them

Were ever insured

And much like

The Caveman Car trend

This poem now

Comes to an end

FIFTH DRAFT

The fifth draft is it

There’s no more to say

You’ve done it! You’ve made it!

Let’s all shout hooray!

You’ve crafted a masterpiece

A work of pure genius!

Some others may disagree

But you know that they mean, “yes!

You’ve done it! Good show!

And now take a bow.

And wrap this thing up

You can end it now.”