Skyward whilst tramampolining!

No one will earn points by demeaning

The sweet science of tramampolining.

From the Mississippi to the Sabine,

Bounce people on tramampolines!

Librarians find it obscene

This total helter-skelter scene

When all are floating in between

Skyish blue and grassy green

Packed like exploding sardines

Your feelings will go from serene

To jazzed up java jolt caffeine

When you give in and join the scene

The grandma phone rings a field.

Breeze wheezes, winded.

Cloud

Ping pong table

Sky.

Creek thermometers through mud,

Frowns into Mayonnaise Sea.

Galosh the grumpy shore,

Dip nose condimental.

See the sea horse radish spirit itself,

Spiriting away the spices.

Conundrums gallop a stumbly beat,

As slowly swimming yourself you find.

Collapsed in claps and a rhythmic clatter

Immersed in the emulsifier.

In dreams you’ve felt this, a heavy kind of floating.

White noise congealed to cream.

It’s an eerie comfort, like lack of shadow.

Don’t stay too long, no. Don’t stay too long

In the Mayonnaise Sea. The coming back is harder.

A big chapeau ball!

And I just know mine

Will be grandest of all.

It’s pointed and red

With green feathers athwart

A ten gallon hat

With three extra quarts!

And in the right profile

If you kind of squint,

You’ll see Millard Fillmore,

Our 13th President.

It’s reversible, too!

And on the inside

The hat is so soft lined

With unicorn hide!

It can guess your height

And count all of your teeth

And if you’ve a broadsword

It acts as a sheath.

So just try and beat me

Or you can play possum.

There’s no competition

As I start my ventriloquest.

Though scared, I know I have no choice

If ever to give my thoughts voice.

The lonely road. I’m a seeker

My goal a secondhand speaker.

What traits could this puppeteer bring

To earn the right pull my string?

A countenance that does belie

A sense of humor toasted wry

My voice to yours need not eclipse

I don’t care if you move your lips!

If these terms don’t sound too crummy

The race would never be won.

But just when all seemed lost

We proved we shouldn’t be crossed.

And now the fistfights have ceased.

The explosions have decreased.

The bad guys are overthrown

Their bad guy flag now unflown.

Oh man did you see that slam?

He was all, “yeah right” then bam!

Then whoosh sploosh biff bam pow splat!

Have this and then some of that!

And that one guy shouted, “Noooo!”

And you just went, “dink!” it was, whoa!

And the cars sped past all vroooooom!

That was the crash, I presume.

And my laser went pew pew!

Its rays knocked bad guys askew.

And that huge beast swooped in whomp!

And we were all like, “what the!?!” Was it a dinosaur or like a real live dragon or what and it was breathing fire and feathers were swishing swashing swooshing all around and there was just screechy skronky noise all over everywhere. And it went “Krkscrawwkrckckpkkkkkkkk!” And was flinging guys, “Noo! Whaaa! Aaaaaaaaaah!” And they were shooting at it like “pkwhew! Pkwhew! Didididididididididi! Shweeeeeeeeeeeer-pwkaaaw!” And the base exploded frkrkrkr ping ping pewpingpwepishpreerkirti!” And guys were running and screaming like, “Look out, no! Whathe!? Gedoudathewayya! Kablamitamitypokpokpume! Their guns went and bombs going off all over the, and then the biggest hugest like

SHWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBADOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then the fight was complete.

The bad guys had all been beat.

We showed them that we mean it.

You’ll want it back now I suppose.

Okay, fine you can have it back.

But wait just one cool minute, mac!

I’d just like to smell the roses.

I’ve not done that with two noses.

Also I may smell the hostas.

Then I’ll give back your proboscis.

Besides, I won it fair and square

I’ll give it tender love and care.

Polish it, wax it, even tweeze

Say gesundheit were it to sneeze.

You’ll get it back, no need to seethe.

And you can use your mouth to breathe.

I’ll be done soon, so dry your tears.