I’m writing a poem,
And it’s rather hasty.
As hasty as pistachio ice cream
If I’m just extra careful
With rhyme and meter
And don’t mention I’m just slapping this poem together at the last minute,
No one will be the wiser.
They say you do your best work
When up against a deadline.
If that is the truth then this
Is the best poem you’ve read(line.)
Also, I didn’t eat your plums.
There’s nothing better than careening
Skyward whilst tramampolining!
No one will earn points by demeaning
The sweet science of tramampolining.
From the Mississippi to the Sabine,
Bounce people on tramampolines!
Librarians find it obscene
This total helter-skelter scene
When all are floating in between
Skyish blue and grassy green
Packed like exploding sardines
Your feelings will go from serene
To jazzed up java jolt caffeine
When you give in and join the scene
Of folks on their tramampolines!
Green green green!
The grandma phone rings a field.
Breeze wheezes, winded.
Ping pong table
Creek thermometers through mud,
Frowns into Mayonnaise Sea.
Galosh the grumpy shore,
Dip nose condimental.
See the sea horse radish spirit itself,
Spiriting away the spices.
Conundrums gallop a stumbly beat,
As slowly swimming yourself you find.
Collapsed in claps and a rhythmic clatter
Immersed in the emulsifier.
In dreams you’ve felt this, a heavy kind of floating.
White noise congealed to cream.
It’s an eerie comfort, like lack of shadow.
Don’t stay too long, no. Don’t stay too long
In the Mayonnaise Sea. The coming back is harder.
The Coming Back is harder.
We’re having a hat party
A big chapeau ball!
And I just know mine
Will be grandest of all.
It’s pointed and red
With green feathers athwart
A ten gallon hat
With three extra quarts!
And in the right profile
If you kind of squint,
You’ll see Millard Fillmore,
Our 13th President.
It’s reversible, too!
And on the inside
The hat is so soft lined
With unicorn hide!
It can guess your height
And count all of your teeth
And if you’ve a broadsword
It acts as a sheath.
So just try and beat me
Or you can play possum.
There’s no competition
My hat is too awesome!
My wooden heart drums in chest
As I start my ventriloquest.
Though scared, I know I have no choice
If ever to give my thoughts voice.
The lonely road. I’m a seeker
My goal a secondhand speaker.
What traits could this puppeteer bring
To earn the right pull my string?
A countenance that does belie
A sense of humor toasted wry
My voice to yours need not eclipse
I don’t care if you move your lips!
If these terms don’t sound too crummy
Please consider me your dummy.
They said it couldn’t be done,
The race would never be won.
But just when all seemed lost
We proved we shouldn’t be crossed.
And now the fistfights have ceased.
The explosions have decreased.
The bad guys are overthrown
Their bad guy flag now unflown.
Oh man did you see that slam?
He was all, “yeah right” then bam!
Then whoosh sploosh biff bam pow splat!
Have this and then some of that!
And that one guy shouted, “Noooo!”
And you just went, “dink!” it was, whoa!
And the cars sped past all vroooooom!
That was the crash, I presume.
And my laser went pew pew!
Its rays knocked bad guys askew.
And that huge beast swooped in whomp!
And we were all like, “what the!?!” Was it a dinosaur or like a real live dragon or what and it was breathing fire and feathers were swishing swashing swooshing all around and there was just screechy skronky noise all over everywhere. And it went “Krkscrawwkrckckpkkkkkkkk!” And was flinging guys, “Noo! Whaaa! Aaaaaaaaaah!” And they were shooting at it like “pkwhew! Pkwhew! Didididididididididi! Shweeeeeeeeeeeer-pwkaaaw!” And the base exploded frkrkrkr ping ping pewpingpwepishpreerkirti!” And guys were running and screaming like, “Look out, no! Whathe!? Gedoudathewayya! Kablamitamitypokpokpume! Their guns went and bombs going off all over the, and then the biggest hugest like
And then the fight was complete.
The bad guys had all been beat.
We showed them that we mean it.
Oh man you should have seen it.
Hey, look out chump! I got your nose.
You’ll want it back now I suppose.
Okay, fine you can have it back.
But wait just one cool minute, mac!
I’d just like to smell the roses.
I’ve not done that with two noses.
Also I may smell the hostas.
Then I’ll give back your proboscis.
Besides, I won it fair and square
I’ll give it tender love and care.
Polish it, wax it, even tweeze
Say gesundheit were it to sneeze.
You’ll get it back, no need to seethe.
And you can use your mouth to breathe.
I’ll be done soon, so dry your tears.
What’s that? Hey, come back with my ears!